On Sunday night, February 6, at around midnight, my 22 year old nephew, Titus, committed suicide. I am still trying to comprehend his decision. Still trying to process how his decision has affected me and my family.
Titus had every reason to live. He had just bought his first home last year. He had a growing landscaping business. His relationship with his family was close and loving. His faith in God was strong, his believe in his Savior Jesus Christ unwavering. Titus was a big, athletic, positive, friendly, likable young man.
He left a video, taped just minutes before he took his life. In it, he describes very matter-of-factedly what he is going to do, but never gives a reason why. He apologizes to his family for the hurt and pain his action will cause them. He describes how good his life is. He says he knows if he had called any of his family, they would have talked with him, prayed with him, and talked him out of his plan to end his life.
So what happened? We may never know. He had a bumpy relationship with his girlfriend, having broken up with her more than once. They had been talking and texting for the couple of hours before he ended his life. It seems certain to me that she knows something, but she isn't saying anything. But even so, this was his own decision, his own action. Nobody else held the gun to his head that night; he did.
His death rocked our family. They came from all over the country for his funeral, at great expense in many cases. Why? Because we needed to grieve together. To process what he did as best we could, while looking into each other's eyes. While holding onto each other.
I know that Titus is in heaven. His faith and trust in Jesus Christ as his personal Savior was certain. I also know that God numbers all of our days, and that His number for Titus was unchanged by his suicide. From my human perspective, his shortened life seems like such a waste, such a tragedy, but I can't see all that God sees. "All things work together for good for those who love God" is still in the Bible. I may never know more than a fraction of the good that will come from Titus's death, but I know it will come. I'm already getting glimpses.
There were 500 people at Titus's funeral. The officiating pastor gave a clear presentation of the gospel, and gave people the opportunity to receive Christ, or take home further reading materials, or contact area churches. I know of one person who received Christ in the service, and nearly all of the materials made available were gone by the end of the day. "All things work together for good."
My youngest daughter has begun to make her relationship with God a much higher priority. She has resumed a Bible study with her sister, has recommitted to attending church and a Young Life group on her college campus, and has a new and strong burden for her unsaved boyfriend to come to Christ. "All things work together for good."
I look forward to seeing more fruit produced out of this tragedy. I have no doubt that more good will come from this "bad." God is just that kind of a God. He has proven it to be true over and over again in my life.
Oh - and I look forward to being reunited with Titus in heaven some day. That's where this story really ends!
